Example feedback on a draft
Here are my comments to your draft proposal. You may wish to attend to the comments and send it back as soon as you can. The main concern is that you may be wishing to accomplish too much within the given space of time.
The topic is very relevant at the policy level and indeed a hot topic due in the current political climate. You successfully highlighted the importance of the topic of research convincing the reader, from the beginning, on the importance of investigating it. This is a well conceived project, addressing a gap in the evidence base and using appropriate techniques to investigate it.
However there is a major problem with the dissertation: the misplacement of elements from one section to another. Thus, the methods section is virtually plagued with information that should have gone to results while elements that should have gone to methods are missing. Equally in the discussion section there are many elements that belonged to results.
At masters level we would expect you to use formal citations of articles, in the format of (author, date) rather than 'the Collaborative study' and 'the Canadian one'. I would suggest that you try to improve your expression in English, which was here a problem because some of what you have written was not clear to me.
Your work was nicely presented and you have shown a good awareness of the issues involved in the study.
Should you feel the need to have verbal discussions you may send me your telephone number and we can pick it up from there. Good luck with the revisions.
